Mixed states

(Scroll down for English)

Ek beleef tans “mixed states”. Dit is wanneer my gemoed baie vinnig wissel tussen hipomanie en ligte depressie. Dit gebeur gewoonlik wanneer mens tussen fases wissel – in my geval, gebeur dit gewoonlik in die oorgang van die maniese- of hipomaniese siklus na ʼn depressie siklus.

Een van my doelstellings met hierdie blog is om mense wat met ʼn BPD-lyer saamleef in te lig oor die dinge waarvoor mens moet uitkyk, en om lyers uit my eie ondervinding uit te onderrig. Dit is belangrik dat albei hierdie partye moet weet wat aangaan, en watter rigting die lyer se gemoed besig is om te gaan.

Een van die eerste plekke waar ek agterkom dat my toestand besig is om van siklus te verwissel is in my slaappatrone. Ek het op die beste van tye nie so iets nie want as ek manies of hipomanies is, slaap ek nie lank nie en ook baie onrustig. Ek droom egter selde of ooit in die fases. Alhoewel ek nie regtig slaap nie, ervaar ek dat ek onuitputbare energie het – een van die redes hoekom ek nie slaap nie. Die ander rede is dat my kop eenvoudig net nie afskakel nie.

In my depressiewe siklus slaap ek elke oomblik wat ek kan – dit is nie vreemd vir my om tydens ʼn depressiewe siklus 10 tot 12 ure per dag te slaap nie. Dit maak nie saak hoeveel ek slaap nie, ek bly moeg en uitgeput. Dit maak seker sin as die depressiewe siklus voorafgegaan is deur ʼn maniese- of hipomaniese siklus.

Ek kom dit ook in my interaksie met mense agter – ek sit in geselskap en het niks om te sê nie, en stel ook nie belang om te luister na wat mense sê nie. Gelukkig weet baie van my vriende hoekom dit is, en ook om my uit te los omdat ek op so stadium uitgelos wil wees.

Terloops, in Tipe 2 Bipolêr volg ʼn depressiewe siklus altyd na ʼn maniese- of hipomaniese siklus. Dalk is dit nou ʼn goeie tyd om die verskil tussen manie en hipomanie te verduidelik – in toekoms sal ek slegs na manie verwys want dis ʼn schlep om die heeltyd manie of hipomanie te tik. Hipomanie is minder intens as manie – jy voel goed, maar nie so goed soos tydens ʼn manie nie – jy is oor die algemeen verantwoordeliker ook. It is high, but not AS high.

ʼn BPD lyer in die manie hallusineer soms, hoor stemme en verloor tred met realiteit. Dit het in my vorige maniese fase gebeur – ek het ʼn volslae maniese fase gehad en effens tred met realiteit verloor. Dit gaan dikwels met opgeblase persoonlikheid gepaard en die lyer dink regtig hy kan enige iets aanpak.

Ek het nou heeltemal op ʼn raaklyn afgegaan van waar ek begin het. Ek het gesê dat in Tipe 2 Bipolêr die maniese siklus altyd gevolg word deur ʼn depressiewe siklus; ʼn depressiewe siklus word egter nie altyd voorafgegaan deur ʼn maniese siklus nie. Tipe 2 lyers het gewoonlik meer depressiewe siklusse as wat hulle maniese siklusse het.

Die mixed state is, soos wat mens op die prentjie kan sien, ʼn emosionele wipplank en die ʼn raserige toestand in mens se kop – in my geval weet ek watter kant toe ek besig is om te gaan en ek ervaar tans vrees en paniek omdat ek weet hier ʼn diep depressie voor my lê.

<!– /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:”"; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-bidi-font-family:”Times New Roman”;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} –>

I am currently experiencing mixed states. This is when my mood changes rapidly between hypomania and light depression. This normally happens when I am shifting between states – in my own case, it normally occurs in the transition from the manic or hypomanic cycle to a depressive cycle.

One of my aims with this blog is to inform those living with a BPD-sufferer for the things to watch out for, and to educate sufferers from my own experience. It is important that both parties should know what is happening, and which way the sufferer’s mood is turning.

One of the first places I notice that I am cycling is in my sleeping patterns. At the best of times I have none – when manic or hypomanic, I don’t sleep for long and usually restlessly. I don’t, however, dream during these cycles. Even though I don’t really sleep, I experience that I have inexhaustible energy – also, one of the main reasons I don’t sleep. The other reason, of course, is that my head simply doesn’t switch off.

During my depressive cycles I sleep every moment I can spare to do so – it is not uncommon for me to sleep 10 to 12 hours per day. It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, I remain exhausted. I guess it figures when the depressive cycle was preceded by a manic or hypomanic cycle.

I also notice changes in my interactions with people – I can sit in company with nothing to say, and I’m disinterested in hearing what people are saying. Fortunately, most of my friends know why this is and to leave me alone, because when my mood takes this turn, I wish to be left alone.

By the way, in Type 2 Bipolar a depressive cycle always follows a manic- or hypomanic cycle. This may be a good time to explain the difference between mania and hypomania – in future I shall only refer to it as mania because having to type mania or hypomania all the time is an awful schlep. Hypomania is less intense than mania – you feel great, but not to the extent you do during mania. Normally you are more responsible during hypomania than during mania. You are high, but not AS high.

A BPD sufferer in mania hallucinates sometimes, hears voices and loses touch with reality. This happened during my past manic cycle – I had a full-blown mania and lost touch with reality to a certain degree. It also tends to coincide with delusions of grandieur and the sufferer believes he can attempt anything.

I completely went of on a tangent from where I started. I mentioned that in Type 2 Bipolar, the manic cycle is always followed by a depressive cycle; however, a depressive cycle is not always preceded by a manic cycle. Type 2 sufferers normally have more depressive cycles than manic cycles.

The mixed state is, as one can see from the diagram, an emotional teeter-totter and a noisy state in one’s head – in my case I know which way I’m going and I am experiencing fear and panic because I know there is a deep depression lying ahead of me.